Wanna Know How To Cope With The Loss Of A Friendship? Have A Cupcake. Or, Do This...

So, I had another birthday recently.

Luckily, not another wrinkle (thanks to wearing sunscreen since age 16!), but another year to enjoy this beautiful planet of ours.

And I started thinking.

About friendship.

And about how some friends do and some friends don’t make it through the entire journey with us. And how that can be sad, but also something that, well, just happens…

I went to an interesting talk at this book festival in Atlanta recently where author and breast cancer survivor, Letty Cottin Pogrebin, said that illness was the proving ground for friendship.

Change is also, I believe. As it can be the changes in our lives that can often test the strength of a friendship and its ability to survive.

And, of course, there are many other things that can test a friendship as well.

A friendship can survive these proving grounds if…

When I think about friends of mine who’ve remained friends despite life changes and the like, I think we’ve remained good friends because of two very simple things…

:1: We had the will.

We both cared enough about the friendship that we wanted it to survive no matter what. And we made the commitment that we would do whatever it took to make sure the friendship survived no matter what changes (or other things) came our way.

:2: We found the way.

With the will, we found the way to keep our friendship alive. Maybe we were too busy to talk by phone – we emailed. Maybe we no longer lived in the same city – we spoke regularly by phone instead of getting together in person. We didn’t focus on excuses (like busyness), we focused on action – the actions needed (by both of us) to make sure the friendship survived.

And that’s crucial – the will and the way have to come from both people, not just one.

How to cope with the loss of a friendship when it doesn’t survive these proving grounds:

But, sadly, not all friendships do make it through life with us. Some do fade away during an illness, or a life change, or a falling out, or something else.

So, what do we do then? Try this…

:| Focus on the friends in front of you.

You know, there are days when I say that I could live with sunshine every day of the year, because I love sunshine. But the truth is, it takes the rain to appreciate how truly wonderful the sun is. Same goes for friends. There’s a purpose for those friends who were with us for just a little while – to remind us how special the friends are who’ve made it through the entire journey with us. Treasure those people and know that they are enough.

:| Find the purpose, the lesson or the gift.

There are friends from the past who have helped me through the inevitable hiccups that we can all face from time to time in life. While I’m not as close with some of these friends anymore, I’ll always be grateful for the support they offered during those times. And maybe that was the purpose (and the gift) of these friendships, to help make these hiccups a bit easier.

Lost a friendship you cared about? Focus on the things you gained from this friendship and remember it fondly with a sense of gratitude. The friendship may be gone, but those gifts (or lessons) are forever.

Tweet this –> Friendships may end, but they leave us with many gifts. Focus on these and remember the friendship with gratitude.

:| When one door closes, another one opens.

Think of the end of one friendship as the opportunity to begin another. While it’s natural to take time to mourn the loss of a friendship, fill your time with new activities that will allow you to meet new people that will hopefully offer you more lessons and more gifts as you continue to travel this journey of life. Who knows, you just may find one of those forever-friends that maybe you couldn’t have found if that other friendship hadn’t ended.

:: ::

Mostly, never let the loss of a friendship dim your shine. You’re a great friend. Life just offers us different opportunities to be that great friend to different people throughout our lives.

Now, it’s your turn! Share with me in the comments below. What tips do you have for dealing with the loss of a close friendship? I think your advice could really help others, as good-byes are never easy!

To friendship,